There are some moments in life in which a sudden self-awareness of happiness hits - a moment in which you step back from yourself and realize that, in that instant, everything is good. A feeling of your consciousness pulling away to make an emotional snapshot of that moment to care for and examine like one would a wounded bird or a nugget of gold.
While I don’t consider my life as a unhappy one, I only have a few of these moments guarded away. The first being at around age 6. My parents were giving me a group hug while we were all singing a family lullaby. My mother was expecting my baby brother at the time and that was the first time the baby’s name was included in the song. I remember feeling detached and floating away while taking in the moment.
The last time I experienced it I had just finished changing the sheets on a new king bed I splurged on after a small windfall. I remember laying on the bedspread and my 2yr old pup hopping on to play around the newly made bed. Instead of ushering him off as I usually did, I just watched him mess up the bedspread.
(I know happiness is not a fixed concept and everyone can have their own definition and experiences, but given my ignorance of the specific word to refer to the instant moment of self-awareness described, I just went with it)
Curious to read your thoughts and experiences.
January, I took a five day weekend and in the middle of it was actually doing things I wanted to do and having fun, instead of my usual of trudging through work, making dinner, and going straight to bed after. I think that was pretty good, I felt a little happy. Before that it was probably over a year though. I have to enjoy it when it comes, because it’s sparse and fleeting.
I wonder if the scarcity of these moments adds to their value.
I’m not in favor of self-denying ourselves these special moments when we can, but, as someone who has been unemployed, I feel a big difference in doing whatever you want because you choose to as opposed to because there’s nothing else to do.
The modern workplace has become a chore, and while I know it’s not realistic or practical to “do what you love”, it is a bit sad to think the modern workplace is more a chore necessary for survival rather than a natural activity endowed with meaning on its own terms. At least, in my case.
Thank you for sharing.