I’ve been trying to compact my writing lately, and perhaps failed to communicate clearly. because i really felt like i’d already pre-agreed with everything you wrote when i said
society currently seems to project an emotionally stunted image onto the male identity. but it’s important to note this is a sickness in current society rather than anything inherently “male”.
obviously i didn’t communicate properly, because imo that’s in perfect agreement with what you said here
how we’re socialised to handle our feelings also plays a big role
this is what i meant about society projecting an ‘incomplete’ image onto the male identity. i want to stress here, this isn’t a statement about any man, or even men as a group. imo it has nothing to do with “maleness” and everything to do with an impossibly hamstrung identity being thrust onto people. by impossible i mean it’s literally impossible for any human to exist as an emotional shadow like that. no human can do it & we’re expecting 50% of the population to magically achieve it. whatcouldgowrong.jpg
i’ve spent quite some time trying to work out exactly where it comes from, i’m still not sure but i feel like a big dose of victorian era repression sure didn’t help, plus perhaps alot of unprocessed trauma from the men who went to WW1 and experienced an entirely unprecedented form of PTSD en masse (what at the time was called shellshock) those men who came home brought it into their families and became our fathers fathers fathers etc etc. it’s definitely intergenerational imo.
i also think as society progresses technologically, there is less need for ‘male brute force’ to ‘provide’, so it will naturally create a bit of a vacuum in the perceived “male role”. i can easily imagine an alternate history where something positive and strong had filled this vacuum instead of the poisoned version we got.
i personally deeply do not believe it is something inherent in men, and i think this is supported by the stats you raise which shows a disparity in the distribution vs world average.
rather i very much see this as a deep flaw in our current society, men are emotionally hamstrung and have dangerously impossible emotional expectations placed on them (again, this isn’t the fault of any one gender or group, it is society at large to blame here). (and of course equally insane but different expectations are thrust onto all genders)
a huge part of the problem imo is when boys are taught not to cry - actually wait, it’s even worse, they’re taught “boys don’t cry”, this is an unbelievable absurdity. crying is natural, normal & healthy. not only denying boys & men this natural emotional outlet, but tangling it up with the idea that “boys don’t do it” therefore if one does, some part of their supposed identity is under threat. it’s quite simply unbelievably toxic, it’s literally poison. and. it. hurts. everyone. i could go on but was trying to avoid a rant which is why i tried to keep my original comment briefer than it perhaps should’ve been in retrospect.
but that’s fundamentally why i think calling it ‘The male loneliness epidemic’ is hurtful to everyone. alongside all the usual ragebait hooks, there’s the sleight of hand of reducing a monumental issue to a fragment of the actual scale of the problem.
honestly surprised to see so many downvotes.
I’ve been trying to compact my writing lately, and perhaps failed to communicate clearly. because i really felt like i’d already pre-agreed with everything you wrote when i said
obviously i didn’t communicate properly, because imo that’s in perfect agreement with what you said here
this is what i meant about society projecting an ‘incomplete’ image onto the male identity. i want to stress here, this isn’t a statement about any man, or even men as a group. imo it has nothing to do with “maleness” and everything to do with an impossibly hamstrung identity being thrust onto people. by impossible i mean it’s literally impossible for any human to exist as an emotional shadow like that. no human can do it & we’re expecting 50% of the population to magically achieve it. whatcouldgowrong.jpg
i’ve spent quite some time trying to work out exactly where it comes from, i’m still not sure but i feel like a big dose of victorian era repression sure didn’t help, plus perhaps alot of unprocessed trauma from the men who went to WW1 and experienced an entirely unprecedented form of PTSD en masse (what at the time was called shellshock) those men who came home brought it into their families and became our fathers fathers fathers etc etc. it’s definitely intergenerational imo.
i also think as society progresses technologically, there is less need for ‘male brute force’ to ‘provide’, so it will naturally create a bit of a vacuum in the perceived “male role”. i can easily imagine an alternate history where something positive and strong had filled this vacuum instead of the poisoned version we got.
i personally deeply do not believe it is something inherent in men, and i think this is supported by the stats you raise which shows a disparity in the distribution vs world average.
rather i very much see this as a deep flaw in our current society, men are emotionally hamstrung and have dangerously impossible emotional expectations placed on them (again, this isn’t the fault of any one gender or group, it is society at large to blame here). (and of course equally insane but different expectations are thrust onto all genders)
a huge part of the problem imo is when boys are taught not to cry - actually wait, it’s even worse, they’re taught “boys don’t cry”, this is an unbelievable absurdity. crying is natural, normal & healthy. not only denying boys & men this natural emotional outlet, but tangling it up with the idea that “boys don’t do it” therefore if one does, some part of their supposed identity is under threat. it’s quite simply unbelievably toxic, it’s literally poison. and. it. hurts. everyone. i could go on but was trying to avoid a rant which is why i tried to keep my original comment briefer than it perhaps should’ve been in retrospect.
but that’s fundamentally why i think calling it ‘The male loneliness epidemic’ is hurtful to everyone. alongside all the usual ragebait hooks, there’s the sleight of hand of reducing a monumental issue to a fragment of the actual scale of the problem.