Im wondering if this is a common adhd thing.
For example, I have always wanted to program, but I can’t let myself start with some easy gui building block code. I need to understand how the code is interacting with the computer itself and know how they did it in the 80s. Then of course it’s too hard for me and I give up.
Or if im making music, I need to do everything from scratch the hard way, making it as hard as possible (and killing any creative effort i had in the beginning).
It’s the same with anything. I can’t progress if I dont know the absolute reason why something is being done. And if I do it the easy way, I didn’t do it right and took shortcuts so it was worthless.
I never understood how programmers had no clue how the hardware worked. How can you write high performance code without understanding memory access optimization and opcode pipelines? Why even attempting rewriting old Fortran array code to C and then to C++ without understanding that Fortran array code fits cache lines just fine, while your newly shiny refactored code doesn’t, so now you wonder why your code performance sucks?
This is the stuff I wish I knew. Oh to be old !