Im wondering if this is a common adhd thing.
For example, I have always wanted to program, but I can’t let myself start with some easy gui building block code. I need to understand how the code is interacting with the computer itself and know how they did it in the 80s. Then of course it’s too hard for me and I give up.
Or if im making music, I need to do everything from scratch the hard way, making it as hard as possible (and killing any creative effort i had in the beginning).
It’s the same with anything. I can’t progress if I dont know the absolute reason why something is being done. And if I do it the easy way, I didn’t do it right and took shortcuts so it was worthless.
It is ok to “cheat” even if you know the “real” way it should be done. It took me ages to come to grips with this but you can get over it too. There are still hobbies I won’t pursue because of this mentality though like drawing.
Yeah it’s hard. Because if I can cheat to do it easy, So can everyone, and then why do it at all.