Im wondering if this is a common adhd thing.
For example, I have always wanted to program, but I can’t let myself start with some easy gui building block code. I need to understand how the code is interacting with the computer itself and know how they did it in the 80s. Then of course it’s too hard for me and I give up.
Or if im making music, I need to do everything from scratch the hard way, making it as hard as possible (and killing any creative effort i had in the beginning).
It’s the same with anything. I can’t progress if I dont know the absolute reason why something is being done. And if I do it the easy way, I didn’t do it right and took shortcuts so it was worthless.
Oh yeah, I totally get that.
When I’m doing something for fun, I’m far more interested in the process than the end result, so I’ll do everything from first principles. And probably never finish before I move on to something else. But that’s fine.
If it’s something I need to get done, on the other hand, then by the time I’ve started we’re probably already into crisis mode, and so getting it complete as quickly as possible becomes the goal. Then I’m all for finding whatever shortcuts I can.
Fortunately I’ve explored a enough topics (particularly in programming) for fun by now that I have enough background knowledge to be good at it for a career. Experience does build up, and even if you’re jumping around all over the place, eventually you’ll start to see the bigger picture.
Oh I feel like im master of " DO BIG COMPLICATED THING" and if by some miracle I finish it, I no longer care at all about. Queue 3 project cars…