Im wondering if this is a common adhd thing.
For example, I have always wanted to program, but I can’t let myself start with some easy gui building block code. I need to understand how the code is interacting with the computer itself and know how they did it in the 80s. Then of course it’s too hard for me and I give up.
Or if im making music, I need to do everything from scratch the hard way, making it as hard as possible (and killing any creative effort i had in the beginning).
It’s the same with anything. I can’t progress if I dont know the absolute reason why something is being done. And if I do it the easy way, I didn’t do it right and took shortcuts so it was worthless.
I’m the same way. I can’t just know how to do something, I need to know why I’m doing something.
I can’t just blindly follow instructions or I’ll never learn. I need to understand everything so that I can find more efficient ways to do the thing I need to do. This is a common frustration I have in the workplace.
It’s put me at odds with some managers, until I got high enough where it became a target and I could determine the path to get there.
I hated managers who wouldn’t tell me the why, because I’d inevitably hit something that doesn’t line up with my training and I’d have to apply the why’s to determine what to do.