I do really love peanut butter. And Jimmy Carter, honestly. Shit.

Blink twice if the Jimmy Carter peanut is making you say that.

I’m no tankie and it’s all very complicated, but…The Motherland Calls is the baddest ass of all statues, in my opinion. Not super easy to get to and see, unfortunately.

Consider trying a different grocery store.

These are just a couple of the savory Nutellas out there. Refried beans, mushy peas, etc…

Nobody ever doubted it.

It was built TO SUPPORT HIM!? I went in utterly convinced this was some proto-MAGA hateful bullshit. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot.

Dude on the right isn’t really helping much.

Cucking funt.

So close.

You spend every day doing cavity searches, then the most you can hope for is a little plaque.

I could make you love me. :(

Two of them are really small, I can angle the photo so that you barely even notice it?

I upgraded all of my devices to quantum awhile back. A lot of people like to hold off until the bugs are worked out, but I’ve always been an early adopter.

Any degenerates wanna buy some feet pics? They’re perfectly healthy feet, you don’t wanna miss 'em! I got all 10 toes, too.

Vultures are badass. One of my absolute favorite birds to see.

Or just leave the raccoon alone and let him eat damn. :(

They wobble to-and-fro. I can tie 'em in a knot, I can tie 'em in a bow. I can throw 'em o’er my shoulder like a continental soldier.

If I look up too quickly from my phone, I get more woozy from all the booze.

I’ve got something in a sack dangling from my belt for you.

McGillicuddy? Meredith McGillicuddy.