Okay, that’s fair.
“I didn’t know I was supposed to be home earlier” is kind of a weird sentence to hear an adult say, though. Like, that sounds like you don’t have a choice in the matter, like your partner gets to decide things unilaterally and you’re left hastily rushing to catch up.
Usually what I try to do is, when tempers aren’t high, work with my partner—outline the problem and work together, the two of us fighting against the problem. Explore the boundaries here, get creative—can you sleep in another room? Is it motion, is it sound, is it light that wake them up? Can you minimize that enough to learn how to not wake them up, or can they find earplugs/a sleep mask that help from their side?
It doesn’t sound like ADHD is the problem here, honestly. It sounds like your partner has you in kind of an unwinnable situation, and the best way to fix that is to renegotiate the rules of the game.
Rest for the mind. Anything that lets me not think and just kind of exist.
Long baths with nice-smelling bath bombs, meditation, even just deciding with intention “okay, this evening I’m just going to lay in bed and watch this set of YouTube documentaries that looks interesting, and if I fall asleep for a bit, I’ll just rewind when I wake up.” Put on an album and listen to it start to finish, and either let it wash over you or let yourself get lost in the little details.
I tend to “relax” by starting new projects, so finding ways to actually relax has been hard. If you’re a little bored and understimulated, you’re on the right track.
Good luck. Medical work is really, really hard, and I hope your new job is a hell of a lot better!